Ever wonder why the men who attack gays the most always seem to be gay in the end? It doesn't seem to make sense at quick glance. Why would a gay man, whether he is out and proud, or in the closet hate another man for being gay? The answer is fairly simple actually.
Let us pretend there are two men deciding about their sexuality. We shall name them Dan and Greg. In one case, Greg accepts his sexuality and decides to move forward as a gay man. He goes on to love himself just the way he is. He has several boyfriends over the years and eventually a husband. He is happy and productive. Dan is the man who decides that he can't accept that he is gay and decides to fight it, to bury it deep within him. He goes on to find a wife and have children all this time trying to convince himself that he is happy, and that he likes women, when in reality... He hates himself, and can't even tell his wife why... because he hates his secret gay side so much.
Then one day the two of them meet. Dan finds Greg exceptionally attractive but can't pursue it because they are both married... and Dan is "Straight" So instead of Dan being happy for Greg. Dan gets angry. Angry that he can't be like Greg. That he can't find a husband and marry him because that would mean he has to come out of the closet. Dan's entire life and identity is threatened by the very existence of Greg. Dan knew that he can't have the life Greg has. In fact if he even accepts Greg's way of life as acceptable that would mean that all of his pain and work was for nothing. If it's indeed okay to be gay then why did Dan spend all this time and effort trying so hard to be straight... unless... being gay is evil.. and it's wrong... yes that's it!! If being gay is evil and wrong then I am being the better person by not being gay... I am against Greg and all those like him.
Then before you know it. Dan starts spinning on a spiral of judgement and hatred for Greg when all Greg did was simply exist. Greg's happiness was a direct threat to the fake happiness that Dan had created for himself.
The same exists for other closeted gay men. They are threatened by the happiness that gay men have that are honest with themselves about who they are.
So how do we fight this hatred? Like all hatred you fight it with love. These men will come again and again to try to stop you. They will come at you over and over trying to break you. You must not let them break you, and you must strive to love them. Love conquers hate. Hatred can never destroy more hatred, only love is strong enough to break hates cold chains that shackle people to destruction.
Remember that at the base of hatred is fear. These men are afraid of you. Afraid that you will get what they never can. Joy. So hold on to that joy and move forward.. never let them take it from you. Love yourself and never give up. You are strong and wonderful and no one can make you hate yourself unless you let them. Keep your chin up and live loud and proud.
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